An Extrovert’s Lament
Smiling at strangers and sparking up random conversation feels incredibly fore-filing because yes, we like you too :)
Living with extroversive impulses
Being an extrovert isn’t always as easy as being voted most popular. It has its good and its bad days like any other personality trait.
Similar to a fishing trip, it starts with the sudden yearning to go out there and catch some attention. It could be big, it could be small, what really matters is the journey, the sheer adventure within itself.
The preparation of getting yourself together, the outfit, the hair, the lame excuse to leave the house. Almost like foreplay but BETTER.
Then comes the hunt, the hunt for naive and slightly recessive souls that casually go about their day, unbothered…until now. The best kind to catch are the unsuspecting ones. The ones who think they’re just standing behind a fellow innocent human in line or sitting next to an indifferent somebody in a waiting room. Silent but oh so conniving.
“Hey I like your shoes, where did you get them?”
Will they take the bait? Maybe they didn’t quite hear you. If they did, are they going to bite and give you full eye contact and conversation? Or are they going to shyly acknowledge the trap and choose to avoid any further exchange.
Either way, at this point your blood is par-boiled, opinions fully formed and that extroversive itch has been scratched.
Rejection is my middle name
As much as there are fairly receptive conversationalists out there, sometimes you just catch people on the wrong day, at the wrong time or quite frankly the wrong person period.
I’ve segmented my list of different types for your convenience:
1. Casper the unfriendly ghost
This just happens to be one of my favourite kinds of rejection artists. Why? Because they quit genuinely just don’t want to be seen or acknowledged by anyone anywhere. The problem is not you, it’s them.
They walk around like they’ve posted the highest bid for Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility and have no impetus to even remotely recognise your subtle attempt to greet them. They truly do believe themselves to be invisible.
It’s important to note that this group operate from a lack of confidence to socialise. They rather pretend to blend into the background, eyes wide open, than to actually acknowledge your presence.
They tend to linger closer to the walls and corners of a room. They don’t simply look at you, they look through you.
That eye contact you thought you caught was all an illusion. How do you notice them when they make it so clear that they are actively choosing not to notice you? It is not a two way street.
I respect these types because they’re too reserved to greet you but bold enough to discount any obvious social cues for a cordial greeting or brief conversation.
They’ve got that “Chemical-X” quality to their rejection.
2. The Shoe Expert
This type of rejection comes with a profound sense of understanding.
This is because I personally pick up on body language naturally and eye’s gazing down at the floor usually suggests one or two things:
- They struggle with self-esteem and the reason they don’t make that initial connection is because they don’t want you observing their insecurities. So they prefer to look down at either their own shoes or yours because it’s less threatening and less confrontational.
- Looking down at the floor is also the universal symbol of I don’t want to talk, don’t want to get aquatinted, leave me alone, you can call if there’s an emergency. Which is also completely understandable because at least you’ve got the curtesy not to brave it like Casper the unfriendly ghost.
Every so often we all turn into the shoe expert when we’re having a long day or even just have a lot on our minds.
Regardless of your reasoning, the extrovert within me takes account of the interaction and categorises you as “The Shoe Expert”
3. The Bad & Bougie
This group of people are rejection professionals. They carry no shame and no regret for their behaviour.
Very similarly to “Casper” they are fairly aware of your attempt to say hello, however, their acknowledgement of your attempt depends on whether or not you are worthy of their attention.
This group suffers from over-inflated confidence that translates into arrogance in the normal world.
In most cases you aren’t worth the time or energy, especially if you don’t drive a luxury car or dress like you could afford their seemingly expensive lifestyle. There’s a guest list to their confirmation of aquintance and you’re probably not on it if you are the following:
- A fellow bad & bougie lead performer: You are immediately seen as a competitive threat to their show. You can not threaten the crown with a smile or a wave, that’s an open invitation to fight.
- Crocks Owners: If you own crocks, consider yourself a reputation risk to this group. Save yourself the stress and don’t even bother.
- An acquaintance from their past: Most of them try to aspire to bigger and better, meaning whatever came before their “level up” was the ghetto. You are considered their ugly past.
- Over Enthusiastic: You can’t show too much excitement or be too animated when you try to greet because then you’re automatically considered a fan.
This type of rejection professional live by the motto: Sorry do I know you?”
You can usually tell them apart from the other types by the size of their sunglasses and angle of their nose to the sky when you approach them.
Shy people feel like a playful tease
As hard as this might be to believe, I wasn’t always this outspoken and social. I myself used to be quite shy and reserved too.
Which is why I’d like to believe that I know the inner workings of a more demure character. Sometimes the shy exterior is just the eggshell to a much more potent and visceral inner world.
Not to mention how more shy and apprehensive persona’s have that mysterious enigmatic ambiance about them. The type that keeps you guessing. The type that peaks your interest like no other.
Listen, I know human beings are not a playground. They are complex creatures with multi-faceted psyche’s, but something can be noted about the way in which we interact with vaguely similar personality types.
Claiming to like a particular personality trait because it tends to stimulate my curious nature more, is an entire experience on it’s own. Almost like living with an addiction or birth defect but less visible and of course less serious.
Case Study: Slow and Calculated Wins the Race
I remember meeting this one girl in college who would generally keep to herself, be seen hovering around the library and always had her headphones around her neck when riding the bus home so as not to get ambushed with conversation by someone. She never really had extended conversations with anyone and didn’t really have a noticeable friendship circle.
Everyone kind of saw her as a write-off and tried not to bother her much but honestly, I saw her as the biggest adventure I could ever embark on at that point in my life.
I started making sure I try sit either next to her or behind her on the bus home, try catch her line of gaze and smile when I got the chance to make eye contact briefly. Before I knew it, she would smile back every now and then.
I tried to pay attention to whatever book she would be holding or whatever was in her hand when I passed her, looking for the perfect conversation starter. Tried to pick up what her major influencers were through how she dressed and typically carried herself.
One day I noticed she had been appointed part-time student receptionist at my res and THAT WAS IT… the perfect opening, a time and place where it would be more difficult for her to run from a harmless conversation.
After dinner one evening I knew it would be her shift when I got back, I made sure not to walk into res with any friends so as not to scare her. As I entered reception I smiled at her and made a B-line straight to the front desk. I asked a question I already knew the answer to, made a lame but humerous joke to bring her guard down and just like magic, the door to longer conversation flung open.
There were evenings I would spend no less than an hour just chatting to her during her shift and later introduced her to my other close friends.
She is one of my most successful catches yet and has made my curiosity toward shy people ever more robust and dazzling with hope for the future.
I guess it isn’t all that bad after all
As much as you meet many challenges and hurdles along the way, it really isn’t all that bad after all.
The rejection, the reclusive introverts, the burning impulse to have company around are considered minor collateral damage to the more advantageous parts of being an extrovert.
- Knowing no matter what situation you’re put in, you’ll probably be able to charm or talk your way out of it.
- Having the regular impulse to expand your network of possible career, personal, romantic and even family connections is an entire skill worth acknowledging.
- Not really fearing rejection and possible disappointment is something so intrinsic to an extrovert that it get’s over looked as a point of peace in their lives.
- Having the sheer audacity to pretend like you know people by name & surname takes a certain kind of power.
Being an extrovert also doesn’t mean that you’re always nice to people or optimistic and confident about life. It’s more like being a normal human being but on self-display.
It’s all in good faith and usually harmless. So the next time you come across your local extrovert, give them a warm smile and listen to whatever’s on their mind, even if it’s just for 5 minutes.
Trust me, you are appreciated
